Memo

i couldn't help but pull this from one of my favorite blogs...

A Memo From A Child To Parents

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.

2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.

3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly 'big'.

5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.

7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.

8. Don't be too upset when I say 'I hate you'. Sometime it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.

9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.

10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.

12. Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.

15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.

16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.

17. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.

18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.

19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I?

20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.

where have you been all my life?

some how i opened my eyes and months have gone by without updating my blog.  

i could say, "how did that happen?" but actually i know.

we've been in a whirlwind. ian was on an artist residency for 8 weeks.  

yes, i just said eight weeks....

in that time birthdays happened, holidays happened and life happened.  

i knew it would be hard working full time and caring for emmett but it was really hard.

harder than i thought.  physically i knew it would be challenging and tiring but i didn't account for what life may bring...like a dog getting sick or ME getting sick (?!?!?)

or christmas completely wiping me out. 

(for the first time in my life i thought, "thank god this is over") 

and then on top of it all.....work, montessori training and oh yeah, caring for my 4 year old!  

he actually turned four in the midst of the chaos. 

i know when i am grumpy, it can feel like i do everything.

but having ian gone made me realize (and credit) all the things he does do for us.

cooking being the biggest one.  

since he is always hungry, he's always up for cooking.  and he is great at whipping something out of nothing.  

me...i hate cooking and think its fine to eat emmett's left over dinner and be done with it.  

this short cut leaves me depleted and back to being grumpy.  

i started a blog for the montessori school and it's been taking a lot of time and energy from this blog.

they didn't even ask me to do it, i just did it.  and in all honestly, im not sure they even look at it?    

today i was thinking about how i started this blog when emmett was one and it was such an important place for me to "meet" myself. 

it still is an important place for me.  i have missed this space very much.

it makes me wonder, where else am i losing track of myself?    

10: Where am I?

*Practice bringing your attention to your breath throughout your day, or in mediation, as a way to strengthen your awareness of the present moment.

*From the book, Buddhism for Mothers of Small Children

9: Where am i?

Surrender to the inevitability of some imperfection 

in yourself, your children and your family life *

this one needs less words & more practice.....

*from the book, Buddhism for Mothers of Small Children

8: Where am i?

question your perspective on your current situation. can you shift it or enlarge it? 

are there positive angles?*

halloween 2011

i'm going to go ahead and admit that when it comes to perspective, i am pretty stubborn.  

this - more times than none -  will work against me majorly.

i am guilty of sometimes seeing a decision or a situation to be only one way.  

this is different than being narrow because often times, i can be shifted.

 this usually will come from the words of another person talking me down.  

but this is a practice i would ultimately like to do myself.

it's a simple reminder - 

can i look at this another way?

if i think of it like a camera, how can i open the lens? and let in more light?

this week, i had a tough day with a child in my class.

it left me feeling defeated - can i really do this?

the director of the school reminded me:

 -this is my first year

-i am doing my montessori certification at the same time as teaching

-my child is not only adjusting to preschool but 

-he is also adjusting to me in the classroom 

-and i am literally "working" with my child everyday.

simply put, don't be so hard on yourself.

open up the lens...open up the lens...open up the lens.

*from the book, Buddhism for Mothers of Small Children

happy deepavali!

"the festival of lights"

while fireworks & candles are the outwardly visible signs of celebration,

deepavali has a deeper significance.

mythologically, it is believed that krishna vanquished an evil demon on this auspicious day.

(triumph of good over evil)

through the symbol of light, 

the five day festival asks us to reflect on the possibility of igniting the light within ourselves.

 this is the inward journey of facing & dealing with our own inner demons - 

like fear, anger, envy, attachment.

this festival also celebrates our innermost potential of light, joy & clarity.

xoxo

7: Where am I?

oh, yes, where was i?.....

recognise that you can choose where to place your attention, so after you have noticed and observed any negativity, place your attention somewhere uplifting. *

i don't think it was an accident that i was "held up" on this entry.

in the midst of these posts, i was was swept into my new job. my new schedule.

my new life.

(this entails with 17 three to six year olds...mostly boys)

throughout the day, 

the head teacher, whom i am apprenticing will say, 

"focus on the positive"

"look at the things that ARE happening"

she is referring to the children in our montessori classroom.

since it's only october, there are pockets of time...sometimes HUGE pockets of time that are absolute pure chaos.

this is the time the returning children, new children and the super young children come together and formulate a rhythm.  in montessori terms, its called normalization. 

slowly but surely, if you look through the chaos, you see the light.

when the classroom truly flows it can looks like those 17 three to six year olds (again,mostly boys) all working on tasks independently. quielty. respectfully of their classroom. and mindfully of the children around them.  

focusing on these moments is the important part.

this reminder extends to home life.

which for me has been operating out of exhaustion....

but there are so many positive things happening.

each day, like an onion, i see my little toddler disappearing and this little boy emerging...

and staying.

xo

*from the book Buddhism for Mothers of Small Children